Winter and Christmas 2015

We had a good Winter.  Much like everything else that happened, it just wasn't the same without our Cash.  He would have loved everything we did this winter, from decorating, to sledding, no doubt he would have enjoyed it all. 

Christmas eve.  Going to bed with the house feeling quite magical!

 I love decorating for Christmas!  I love to go overboard with lights.  Something about white Christmas lights in a dark room feels so warm and welcoming.

I so love this picture my counselors in Young Womens got for me after Cash died.  It hangs so beautifully in our living room, and is a constant reminder of where Cash is and who is taking care of him.  I thought it was so beautifully lit up by the Christmas tree lights!

Addison and Brogan each got new bikes this year!  It was so fun to have them riding around in my dining room all morning! 

The kids each picked out a present for each other.  I gave them a $10 spending limit, and took them shopping while Stewart had the other one.  Brogan knew exactly what Addison truly wanted (a singing Elsa barbie doll), but I told him that was ten dollars over the spending limit, so pick something else.  That boy would NOT let that doll go.  He kept telling me, "Mom, Addison wants this SO BAD!! I HAVE to get it for her."  After trying every reasoning trick in the book, I finally just gave in and let him get it for her.  He was so good about helping me wrap it, and kept it a surprise until Christmas morning (even after all of Addison's nagging and tricking to try and figure out what he got her).  On Christmas morning the kids weren't too intereested in seeing what the other got (even though we take turns opening).  When it came to this present though, it was so sweet to watch Brogan watch Addison open his gift to her.  He was almost as excited as she was!

 I'm so glad that Brogan is such a sweet boy.  Addison was pretty excited to get this barbie doll!

 Our winter was definitely a white one!  We had tons of snow and lots of cold.  I loved every minute of it.  I love a good white Christmas!

 I helped at Addison's kindergarten class party.  Her and Jackson Bingham (a very very very distant relative, who Addison has a little crush on) got a little silly and hung these ornaments on their ears.  Mrs. Born took a picture, then Addison insisted I hang some on my ears too.  What a silly girl!

 Addison made the wall in the hall of the elementary school!  She was a Shining Star!  So proud of this girl.

 We took the kids to try sushi for the first time.  Brogan ate a ton of it, but then didn't feel good.  It took him a couple more trips to appreciate it again.  Addison didn't like it at first, but now when we go they both seem to eat all of our Godzuki and Crystal shrimp!  (And they're pros with cheater chopsticks)

Addison likes to listen to music on my old cell phone.  Doesn't she just look too old here?!  Stop growing up Addison!

 Playing in the snow with Aunt JoAnna.

 We went to a little craft fair at the high school and look who was there-Santa! These kids believe in Santa and love to see him whenever they get the chance.

 I got the chance to skip out for a few days and head to Utah with friends.  We went to Pinners conference (SO FUN!)  and had a blast together! I love this group of girls and love doing fun trips with them.  We all have so much in common, and always laugh till our abs hurt.

Tahoe Spartan October 2015

It's been so long since I've posted here, and so much has happened, I don't even know where to start.  After having a great summer full of family adventures, Cash passed away in August.  I've been writing that story on his blog, cashwallacebingham.blogspot.com  You can go there to read the whole story.  Since then, we've been trying to do the best we can to get along with life.  There have been good days, and lonely ones.  It's been something we've all had to work through in our own way, but we've been doing it together and at our own pace.

TAHOE SPARTAN OCTOBER 2015

At the begining of October Stewart and I did the Tahoe Spartan Beast.  It was the World Championship race, and totally the toughest physical race I've ever done.  The weather was cold and windy, and it even snowed on us right after we got out of the mountain lake swim! There were several times throughout that race that I seriously considered throwing in the towel.  When I was climbing straight up a mountain, trying to keep up with my teammates, I remember trying to keep in the tears.  I remember the thoughts of "I can't" and "why even try" running through my mind. Everything seemed so easy for my teammates (and even when I thought I'd be waiting for Stewart, he was right on my heels). Throughout that race I had to muster up more mental toughness than ever before, and honestly Cash helped me do that.  Whenever I thought things were too tough to keep going, or that I wasn't worth finishing all I could do was to think of that little boy who went through so much on this earth.  The fact that he could have such a positive attitude while enduring such trying trials reassured me that I could do anything; including climbing a mountain for 15 miles, because this was nothing compared to what he'd been through in his short 20 months of life).

At the point of the hail storm, our team was at a dilemma.  It was freezing cold, hailing, we had four miles left, and we just happened to be close to a gondola station.  Ultimately the majority of us decided it was time to call it quits.  A few of our team members started toward the gondola station, and at the last minute Jaime just said, "heck no- I'm just going to finish it".  She was probably the "least dressed"  of all of us (we all had ripped cotton t-shirts, but I had thought to pack a thermal too) and Steve just looked at us and shrugged like, "I can't just let her go freezing by herself!"  So then he ran after her.  Ben and Tara took off too and I just looked at Stewart and told him I was going to finish.  He decided he was going to ride the gondola down.  The last four miles of the race was pretty much down hill, so I just sprinted it out (even though my legs were KILLING me!)  I eventually caught up to Steve, Jaime, Ben and Tara.  We endured the last of the grueling obstacles together, and "felt our way" through the end of the trails into the ever darkening night.  We borrowed light from people around us who had thought to bring headlamps, and finally trudged to the final obstacles (of which I had to burpee for ALL of them because it was so dark, wet, cold and slippery).  By the time we crossed the finish line we were beyond happy, excited and proud.  As I looked around expecting Stewart to be there waiting for me, I couldn't see him.  Maybe he was still changing, or inside somewhere.  We boogied over to the bag check station and everyone else changed into their dry warm clothes.  Still no Stewart!  I borrowed Jaime's blanket and we started to look for Stewart.  He wasn't in the medical tent, the van, or any of the little shops inside the buildings.  We went back to bag check and sure enough our bag was still there.  Since Stewart had our bag bracelet I wasn't supposed to be able to claim our bag, but since I could describe all of the things inside (and I was a frozen popsicle) (and it was one of the last 20 bags there) they let me have it.  As I changed in the corner of a dark tent, I heard Ben yelling that Stewart was finishing the race!  He was about to cross the finish line!!!  WHAT?!?  I seriously had never been so proud of him in my life!  Turns out when he went to the gondola station they were just shutting it down due to the weather.  They were taking people down on ATV's (two at a time), and taking the hypothermia (for real!) and injured people down first.  They told Stewart he could either finish the race (4 miles) or cut straight down the mountain to the lodge (about 3 miles).  He decided just to finish.  It took him about an hour longer than us, and I'm amazed he didn't get pulled off the mountain because he didn't have a headlamp.  He said he just blended in with a group that all had headlamps and followed them through the dark.

Tahoe was such a tough race, but I'm seriously itching to go back.  We overcame so much there, both Stewart and I.  I felt so many emotions, and mustered up so much determination and will power.  There's nothing quite like being so low and down, then crushing that feeling and replacing it with power and strength!  I also saw Stewart step up and do something he wouldn't normally be prone to do.  I love him so much, and sometimes I think he sells himself short.  He's a powerful guy, and it's not very often he does things he doesn't really want to do, so to see him cross that finish line was exhilarating for me, and him.

Our Pre-Race game faces

 Our Post-Race exhausted faces

Disney 2015 Day 4- Last day at Disneyland

Our last day at Disneyland was a good one.  Seems like we were able to take things a little slower,enjoy being there a little more, and enjoy our kids a little more (probably because they were so rested)

 Meeting Mickey Mouse!

 We met a ton of Characters on our last day (that was sort of Stewart's mission this particular day)
Cinderella

 Sleeping Beauty

 Belle

 Rapunzel

 Anytime there was a little stream of water, or ducks or birds anywhere, Cash LOVED to stop and see them.  He really just took in the little things all the time.

 Merida

 We watched, yet another Frozen show.  The kids got to sit on pillows up in the front and we got stuck on backless benches.  yay.  Cash took a nice little nap with Grandma.

 They got to meet this prince and get his autograph (although I can't remember his name- he was a funny character in the play!)

 Queen Elsa herself!  It was the cutest thing- we rode on thunder mountain and as we got off the ride a teenage kid was waiting and would be in our seats.  As he got into the car he said so genuinely, "I get to sit where Queen Elsa sat?!"  Addison just beamed.

 The kids loved toon town! They played in Donald Duck's ship, Mickey's house and all over the town.

 Sitting in Mickey's chair.

 Addison and Cashie playing Mickey's piano

 checking the toon town mailbox!

 The animals were trapped!!

 Brogan tried SUPER hard to lift this, but try as he might, he just couldn't get it!

 The kids were super impressed with the Goofy Water (even though it tasted like crap) they filled up on it!

 Mickey Mouses' Mailbox!!!

 Grandma taking a break in Mickey's chair

 Cash loved toon town too.  Everything was toddler friendly :)

 Brogan taking a break in Pluto's bed

 Mickey's garden is oh so magical!! things just grow on their own!

 The kids had fun exploring the Chipmunk treehouse.

 They even tried to pull the sword out of the stone!

 At the end of the day I was getting a little HANGRY.  I'd been seeing these turkey legs the past couple days, but couldn't ever bring myself to spend the nine bucks it cost to get one.  Well, when Mom gets hangry, you pay whatever price it costs to fix it ;)  I ate the whole thing (I did end up sharing with the kids a little) and it was delicious.  My only regret is that I didn't eat these the whole time I was there!

 Me and Brogan waiting for the parade

 Me and Cashie waiting for the parade.

 I'm so thankful Grandma went on this trip with us.  There were so many times we seemed to be chasing kids, or dumping jam into a paper cup (because they don't allow glass jars into the park) that I was glad I wasn't there trying to manage it on my own.  Don't get me wrong, Stewart is a great helper, but he just has a shorter fuse than Grandma ;)  I'm so thankful to have her as such a great mom, and my kids ADORE her as their "Grammie" (as Addison has so affectionately nicknamed her)

 Cash was the hit of the pre parade.  He walked up and down Main street disney with this determined look on his face, just waving to everyone who looked like they needed a good wave.  He was so cute and sweet.

 Love this little Cashie boy and I'm so glad we got the chance to take him to Disneyland with us.  Even though he didn't like it all at first, he enjoyed himself the whole time, didn't throw any major fits, and was the best behaved little toddler you ever did see!  Love you Cash!