Thursday, November 17, 2011

Phheeewwww! Tough day today! I feel like I need to just vent for a bit, but Stewart's already mad at me, and whatever I put on facebook will be criticized by my peers for being too negative (and at the same time I sorta want my kids to know someday, that it wasn't all puppies and fun dates). So I figured... hell- why not blog about it!

So we took the bars off of Addison's crib (now a toddler bed). It's been three nights. And tomorrow the first thing I'm going to do is put the bars back on. I seriously can't take it. Not that she just wants to sleep with us at 3:00 in the morning, but the fact that 1)she has not slept through the night since we took them off 2)she can't find her own to our room (no lights throughout the whole house 3)when she ends up in our bed, she sleeps ALL OVER ME! Not Stew- ME. (Even though Stewart will tell you how horrible he slept) 4)I'm the only one who hears her crying. Yep. And if I do manage to get Stewart awake to go get her, he has to wake up, (which takes forever) and go pee. By that time I'm so worried that Brogan will be awake I usually go get her myself.

Last night I put her to bed like usual. Read her 2 stories, said prayers, then put her in bed with a bottle, binki, and her bunny. (Don't hate on the bottle and binki- the girl is not even 2, and I like to choose my battles). Then I laid on the floor (like I do EVERY night. The only way I can get her to stay IN bed). 45 minutes later I snuck out of her room, and she was fine. Fast asleep. At 2:30 I heard her crying and screaming, and decided to let her tough it out. Until I heard her throw up (which she can make herself do). Yup. Love that. I can't just leave her in her throw up, so I got up, cleaned up the puke, changed her diaper and jammies, then did the whole night time routine over again. Every time I tried to get up- she cried. I ended up sleeping on Addison's floor for 3 hours. By the time I got back to bed she was screaming again- so I brought her to my bed (at which point Stewart wakes up and says -she was crying?) Um- yes- and I've been gone for 3 hours. HELLO!?!? So Addison is in bed with us and she starts burning up, and acting fussy. I took off her jammies, Stewart got her a cool washrag, and we cracked the window. At this point I was supposed to be getting up to go to Jazzercise (5:00) which I had a goal to do 5 days in a row this week. Ya- no way was I going to be able to make it through a whole day on such crappy sleep! So I slept in till the blessed hour of 8:00 (which is sleeping waaaay in for Brogan), then started my day with diapers, bottles, and breakfast.

I decided today that I should get out my Christmas decor (since it takes so long to put out with the kiddos around- I might as well be a step ahead- because there's no point in getting it out the week before Christmas just to put it all away again). All day while I was trying to put the garland above my cupboards, Brogan just kept crying and crying! And he's got a pair of lungs! He's changed his cry to a scream these days, and the only way to get him to stop is to pick him up. He just wants me to play with him 24/7. Which, most days- it's all that seems to get done. But today- I needed to get the stuff out, and the clutter cleaned up (because between that and the crying kids- I was going insane!) As the day dragged on, Addison felt worse and worse. I could tell because she'd come snuggle me wherever I was, no matter what I was doing. At one point, I was holding Brogan on my lap on the floor, and Addison crawled onto me (in front of him) and tried to push him out of my arms. I tried to set him down and it was like setting of an alarm! So I picked him back up and he started pulling Addison's hair. She started crying, which made Brogan start crying, which almost made me start crying! I was holding BOTH of them, and they were STILL crying!!!!! By the time Stewart got home, I could barely cope anymore. We were supposed to go to pack meeting, but I told him I wasn't going with both kids, but he'd have to take one. He was good about taking Brogan (I knew if there were people to play with him, and new space to crawl around he'd be fine), and he was. Addison spent the rest of the night in my arms. She fell asleep at about 7:00 and I attempted to put her in bed (which only pissed her off). I finished picking up the toys, and got the boxes out of my kitchen/living room. When Stewart got home from pack meeting I felt officially defeated.

Addison isn't going to bed tonight (hence the late night rant). I can't sleep (because of all this pent up frustration), so I folded a bunch of clothes and picked up a bunch of crap in our room. We tried to let Addison cry it out tonight- but she lasted a good 45 minutes before I went in there and played good cop/bad cop with her. that didn't work. So now Stew is in there laying on the floor next to her bed (which seems to be the only option of putting her to bed). I'm pretty sure that first thing in the morning, those damn bars are going back on the bed. I can't handle this crappy night/crappy day/crappy attitude thing. It's killing me.

So that's my rant. Stewart is a great dad and an amazing husband (so don't think he's worthless), I've just had a tough day. I just needed to be able to vent, and in this case it'll make good reading for Addison some day (the little stinker!).

1 comment:

  1. Darlin, First of all I am so glad you do tell the honest truth. It is true that it isn't all rainbows, but you are so strong and will get through this trial. You are an amazing woman and I know the joys of momhood do continue on even during those crappy ones. I wish you luck and think about you hun!