Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I've totally been slacking in the blogging department, and since I REALLY don't have time to write in a journal, I certainly better be blogging about the things I should be journaling about. That way, a long way down the road when my kids say "What did I do when I was a baby? Did I ever get this or that..." etc. I can say, "Well {child}, let me just pull up the blog and we'll see! (my goal is to be like my cousin Jami Bingham and just write a few things about each day {like I should be doing in a journal} :0)

So here's what's been heavy on my mind lately. {This is probably long and boring, so don't feel obligated to read it. There's really not anything "new or exciting". I think I'm just going to ramble on for awhile so that someday I can look back and think "Man I had it easy back then" and "why was I such a dork?" ... You know... things you always think when you look back at how far you've come?} (And keep in mind I'm not trying to impress you with my great writing, spelling, or grammar skills). {smile}

Life has been more crazy than I could have EVER imagined and it's starting to take somewhat of a toll on me and my sanity. Some mornings when the kids wake up (which is usually not too terribly early) I pull the covers over my head and just try to ignore the crying and hope they will just go back to sleep for ten more minutes. Some days if I only had ten more minutes I think my sanity would somehow magically mend itself. (Some mornings I am lucky enough to get ten more minutes, and I have to say, I don't think much happens for my benefit). When I finally do crawl out of bed to fight the daily battles (baths, changing diapers, putting on clean clothes, brushing hair {the hair usually is the first thing I'll let go}) I have to try my hardest not to sabotage myself. Let me tell you I've had my share of "shoot myself in the foot" experiences. Just a fewtrue examples include {and are not limited to}; knocking a full bowl of rice cereal off the counter (onto the floor and any surrounding surfaces), microwave ravioli explosions, spilling whole bottles of milk, Missing the trashcan with an explosive diaper, leaking Tylenol from the TOP of the dropper right into the neck (a neck with a double chin), of a freshly bathed child.... and my personal favorite -When I give Addison a crappy leaky sippy cup (usually all the rest are dirty from my lack of housework) and don't take it back from her when she's done. It's my favorite to find an empty sippy cup accompanied by a huge wet spot of carpet. (Have I mentioned how much I LOVE cleaning carpet???)

Now I do all these things day after day because I love my children. (and don't get me wrong, I do love my children, and I'm very grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home and raise them). But some days it's all I can do not to just sit down and cry. This is the way I've been feeling lately. The kids have been sick, my house is a DISASTER, and we had to reschedule Brogan's Blessing day (which means my brother and his family came from Rexburg for no reason, and won't be able to be here when we do bless him). {I'm also starting to worry that by the time we get around to blessing him he'll be like six or seven}. I'm just starting to feel OVER-WHELMED. To make matters worse, I've been looking forward to going to the temple to do sealings with our ward. You know how they say "do service for others and you'll feel so much happier?" (There's some very nicely put together quote with this idea behind it... {and ya right if I know what it is}). Well I knew that if I could just go to the temple it would be a great opportunity for me to clear my head, forget about my problems, and feel peaceful. Ya right. My recommended expired two months ago. The guy at the door scanned Stew's, then scanned mine and looked at the date and said, "I'm sorry this is expired". My heart sank. Stewart had even checked to make sure our recommends weren't expired (We thought we got them at the same time). {Nope.} I thought for sure since it was only two months expired he'd just let me in. {Nope}. I just smiled at him, turned around and made it to the door before I started sobbing. I walked to the car, sat and cried for a good ten minutes then went and got a Pepsi. By this time a Pepsi was ALL that could save me {although it didn't make me stop crying}. I sat in the car while my parents did sealings and Stewart did initiatories. I just sat there and cried thinking to myself, "shoot if I died right now would the Lord not let me into Heaven because I'm two months expired?" {isn't it sort of the same concept}. I thought about going back to the desk and saying "I've been having babies for two years in a row now. Don't I get something for that? Some sort of 'temple credit'? I'm doing as the Bible says and 'Multiplying and Replenishing'!!" But I just sat there and cried. Thankfully Mekala texted me and made the hour go by so much faster {and made me quit crying}. We went to Golden Corral afterwards (even though I didn't think I was that hungry), and I ate steak and shrimp till I was stuffed. {Made me feel a little bit better}. We came home and I was greeted by a little girl who wanted her Mommy. {Made me feel a little bit better}. Then I held a little boy who just wouldn't stop smiling at me all night long. {Made me feel even more a little bit better}. Now I'm sitting here at the computer, eating WAY too many of these chocolate caramel Peanut Clusters {which Grandpa Funk gave me for Mother's day}, listening to Stewart snore {Sounds like he's sawing logs the size of the California Redwoods!}, and "journaling" {more like venting} about my horrible feeling day. And you know what? It's making me feel just a little bit better.

And I had to post two very cute pictures.... {looking at them also makes me feel a little bit better}.

This caption could read "Stop your Whining and Feed me!"
(This boy is always eating!)
{I Love this picture}

1 comment:

  1. LOVE IT JUNIEL!!! I should have read all your posts the other way. (I read your last ones first and this one last, from my google reader.) Anyways I understand complelty the "overwhelmed" feeling AND my two kids are almost 3 years apart!!! I defienlty FEEL for you in that way! Just remember you are a WONDERFUL mother and don't beat yourself up! Who cares if the dishes tower higher than your ceiling and your dust is so thick you can plow it!?!!? DO what you can and ENJOY every moment (that YOU accomplish as well as your kids)!!! SO sorry about the temple experience, but sometimes a GOOD CRY is all you need (accompanied by steak and shrimp of course) :) Thinking of you my friend :)! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!